Therapy with Grandma

What I’m about to tell you still makes no sense to me and for the majority of people reading this blog it won’t make sense to them either. For others, they will understand. For everyone who reads this journal over the coming months, I hope it improves your life on earth and helps give you a sense of comfort about what happens when we die. Writing it has already begun to help me. I am not trying to convince anyone of anything, least of all myself. I’ve just accepted that this is what it is. I’m simply reporting what I feel and experience. If anything, for me personally, it is a coming out of sorts, and in this way, it is a good feeling.

The simple truth is that for as long as I can remember, I’ve felt or experienced a presence of energies, spirits or something that doesn’t relate to the normal day to day reality of life. Call this energy whatever you like; ghosts, souls, auras or whatever. I’m not sure it has a name nor does it need to – it is a presence of something that I experience that ‘communicates’ with me. When I say communicate, I don’t mean that in a way that you and I may communicate via normal verbal or written communication that takes place every day of our lives. It is more like communicating through my mind without saying or writing anything.

Throughout this journal I will put parentheses around the words similar to the way I highlighted the word  ‘communicates’ in the previous sentence. You will find that I use that a lot as a way of trying to describe in common terms, what it is like when I experience or feel the presence of an energy or spirit nearby. I do so because it is meant to highlight that I am emphasising that I have no idea if it is fact or fiction or whether I know if it is true or untrue. Therefore, it is a way of questioning what I actually experience or feel.

For most of my life I found this energy presence as a tiresome burden and something I wanted to avoid, mainly because I don’t understand why I have been ‘given’ this ability to experience this presence. And that’s why I avoided meditating for many years because the times in my life I had meditated, the more I felt the presence of energies around me. It was a bit of a catch-22 because for many years, I experienced mild headaches and meditating made the headaches go away for some reason although I have no idea why. You might think it crazy to choose headaches over feeling the presence of energies around me but when you don’t understand something or are fearful of it, you tend to choose the easier or more rational option. When I finally accepted this was normal for me and accepted it as a part of my make up (and I think we all have the potential to experience what I experience), the headaches went (I don’t know why either) and my other life became my normal life.       

 The best part of all this is when I feel the presence of an energy or spirit that I somehow ‘know’ to be that of my Grandma. She often 'speaks' to me through my dreams or at times when I’ve been willing to accept this ‘gift’ via intense meditation, it can feel as though she is sitting in the chair next to me and we are having a conversation even though we aren’t in the true meaning of conversation. Please understand, I can’t physically see her but I see an energy. It isn’t on a level we understand as part of what we experience with others on earth. The best way to describe it is I see what some people might consider an aura – which then begins to form an outline of a presence of energy or light that I feel is my Grandma.

Now before I go on, I need to tell you that I am not claiming I have supernatural powers nor do I consider myself a lunatic or a nut job (although I have questioned this assertion on some occasions when I’ve experienced an intense presence or actually started to talk to a presence). In fact, I’m normally the most sensible and logical person around.

To be honest, for most of my life, I’ve absolutely hated having this ‘ability’ to  feel and ‘communicate’ with this presence. In my mind, I’ve continually questioned and dismissed all of this as bullshit. So I’ve just decided to write it as it is. I have no concept whether what I’m about to tell you is actually true or not (and I’d really welcome someone giving me a logical explanation either way – however, as yet, no ‘expert’ on either side of the fence has been able to do so.)

By ‘coming out’ about all this I recognise that my day to day career as I know it could be about to end, I’ll no doubt lose some friendships and many acquaintances as people will quite rightly question my sanity (don’t worry, I’ve done it many times myself) and each and every person I’ve ever come across in business, corporate or personal life will look for clues to whether there was a time they could pick a hint of insanity or madness at one or many points in our relationship. I especially apologise to my family and those close to me who I love dearly.   

No doubt some of you reading this are asking the question; then why come out now? Why put yourself out there, damage your reputation, put a very comfortable six figure salary and life at risk  and open up the chance of ridicule and while causing potential embarrassment to myself and those close to me?

I don’t have the answer. Like most of the important decisions I’ve made in my life, it just feels the right time and I’ve been ‘nudged’ a bit by my grandma who seems to be ‘telling’ me that coming out will help others as well as myself.

I encourage you to read my story and experiences with an open mind and make your own mind up from there. I repeat, I have no real idea whether what I experience is real or not.

For me, there seems one undeniable fact – based on my own experience. The power of the mind is phenomenal. The more meditation I do, the more my mind seems to be able to do and experience. For me, if I meditate, I get messages in my dreams and visits from this presence. That’s just what I experience. What I choose to do with these messages is up to me. Maybe it is the same for you or could be that way if that is what you choose to do.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about my first time.