The spirit who won’t leave

I’ve decided that this will be my last blog for a while. The main reason for my decision is that I feel I have shared what I wanted to share at this time and now prefer to continue on with my journey privately.

There is another reason. Of late, my meditation has been disrupted by the very strong presence of a spirit who just won’t go away. It has got to the point where I believe I have to take a break from meditation in the hope that he ‘moves on.’

What I ‘see’ of him is a tall man in his mid fifties, a serious but kind man with dark black hair, slick with gel or cream and brushed back. He’s often in a suit that is non-descript but the thing that really stands out is he is constantly using a hula hoop or showing me the hula hoop around his waist, swinging and swinging it around his waist.

I’ve asked him what he wants and why he won’t ‘say’ a word. I get nothing but this strong stare and the constant hula hoop action. I’ve asked him to leave and move on but he won’t. Every session I meditate, he is there. He is blocking others from communicating with me including my grandma.

Therefore, I have decided it is time to give this a break for now. I hope you all understand and if the man with the hula hoop means anything to anyone who reads this blog, feel free to let me know at whitecollarmedium@gmail.com

For now, good luck to all

What does a medium see, feel, hear, experience?

I’ve been asked this question a lot lately. People are intrigued to find out what it is I see, feel, hear or experience when I’m meditating and getting messages from the other side. Is it like hypnosis I’m often asked? Do you feel like you are in another place, is another question? Is it like an out of body experience?

From my experience, when I ‘spiral’(my term for how I meditate), the closest experience I can relate to from a layperson’s point of view is I think similar to what people experience when undergoing hypnotherapy or hypnosis. That’s why I relate so closely to the regression therapy work of Dr Brian Weiss and Michael Newton Ph.D.  My experiences are quite similar to their case studies and I’m in an almost semi conscious state when I meditate.

When I’m involved in dream groups or on the occasions I’ve acted as a medium for people wanting to connect with and receive messages from the other side, I feel like I’m in a very relaxed state, part meditative and yet fully aware of my surrounds. Have you ever met or with or spoken with someone on the phone and immediately felt so relaxed in their presence or the sound of their voice that you never want the conversation to end? That’s how relaxed and calm I feel when I’m ‘conversing’ with the other side.

Then it begins. And it is not always the same. On occasions I will see various shades of lights and shapes near people - like auras. On those occasions, I know the messages from the other side will be easier to pick up on.

Other times, I’ll feel something that is just not able to be explained like a cooling of the temperature in one part of the room. I’m not always comfortable with that feeling as it is sudden and often gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach. Several times when I’ve experienced this feeling and coldness, I’ve seen the outline of shadows and have just felt that these are souls that have yet to fully pass to the other side.

On other occasions, I ‘see’ something that you would normally see in a dream or if you imagined something. It is like a seed is planted in my mind but unlike dreams or daydreams or one’s imagination, this feeling is doesn’t disappear in a hurry and at the same time, I can ‘hear’ words banging away in my brain or an intuitive almost ‘gut feel’ that something is trying to get a message to me.  

The best way to explain this is to give you an example. I got an email the other day from a person asking whether I’d be willing to do a reading or see if there was a message for them from the other side. As soon as I opened the email, I had a vision of a man with slick dark hair standing there in front of me wanting to communicate. It was so strong it felt like the feeling you get when you go outside some days and get hit by a blast of cool air on your face.

I tried to ignore ‘him’ but later that night, he wouldn’t leave my mind and was standing there swinging a hula hoop around his waist. In other words, I wasn’t paying attention initially and he is trying very hard to get through to me. For some reason, the hula hoop is now firmly implanted on my mind and it will have some significance for the person I meet with shortly to try and connect with the other side.

For a long time, I only spoke to the soul or spirit I ‘sense’ is my grandma. Then, as I meditated more often and did more work, I opened myself up to receive more messages from a variety of spirits and souls from the other side. Now, it’s open season!

I hope that sheds some light on my experiences. It is not like opening a book nor turning on the television to hear the news. It is an experience like no other that I can explain and it has a number of layers and unexplainable sides to it.

My only 'recommendation' is to try and meditate (practice, practice, practice) and see what evolves. In all honesty, it can't do you any harm. I’m ‘told’ that mankind will one day get to the point of being able to understand parapsychology and the afterlife. Despite the rapid advances in science and our understanding of quantum psychics, we are a way off yet apparently.

Many, many millions of us have still to pass to the other side and then guide the rest still living on earth as well as return as souls within humans. Not my story – just what I’ve been ‘told.

Grandma’s ‘thoughts’ on the meaning of life

It is a question I used to ask myself all the time. What is the meaning and purpose of life? I know it is a question that has also been asked by many millions of people around the world and will be asked by they and many more for some time to come. I don’t claim to have the definitive and proven answer, but I do have some insight that Grandma shared with me that if nothing else, has given me a sense of peace. It is all to do with a leap of faith.

My questioning about the meaning of life had been ongoing for many years. It really reached a head about a year before I started the dream groups at a time when I was really struggling with getting any meaning out of my career. Each day I would trudge off to work, sit in meeting after meeting, daydream about winning the lottery and long for the weekends. The only part of the job I enjoyed was collecting my pay each month.

At the same time, I would spend at least some part of everyday asking myself the question; Is this all there is in life? I would also look at the faces of others dragging themselves off to work each day and notice they looked just like me – glum, expressionless and resigned.

One Sunday, I drove past a church and saw the same looks on the faces of people who were in no real hurry to get inside. To me, it looked like a bunch of people going through the motions because they had gone to church all their lives and ‘this is what you do.’ I wondered how many of those churchgoers really believed or really understood why they were going to church. What was the purpose if they didn’t really look forward to going each week? Was there a sense of duty or was it a case of doing the right thing and honouring family tradition?

During that time, I was going through a particularly tough time at work where I didn’t agree with the corporate agenda that was being pursued by my employer. It led me to again ask the question about the meaning and purpose of corporate life and how it can possibly fit in with the plan or agenda of any God, higher being or source.

Not being able to come up with a satisfactory answer myself to my question, I undertook an intense meditation and ‘discussion’ with grandma over the course of several nights. I’ve summarised the key points below:

Me: Why do people look so glum going to church? Why the blank look on people’s faces on their way to work?

Grandma: Why indeed!

Me: Is that a riddle for me to solve?

Grandma: You’re not happy darling?

Me: Well, I know you encourage me to work things out for myself but sometimes I would be pleased with a straight answer when I ask for help. This is not easy and I am tired.

Grandma: Tired?

Me: Tired of the struggle to understand how I could be talking with you and struggling with understanding what on earth is the purpose of all the corporate rubbish and struggle in the world generally.

Grandma: Like many, or most, you are struggling with the question of purpose and what you are.

Me: I’m frustrated. I feel like I have it all materially but feel like I have nothing inside me.

Grandma: You do have something inside you. You just have shut it in a box and need to let it out.

Me: Please grandma. No riddles. I’m really tired.

Grandma: Darling, when you were born, when any human being is born, they come into the world made up of many parts. But most of all, there are two equally strong components that influence who they are and what they do while on earth.

Me: Their brain and the influence on their personality I guess.

Grandma: No. It is their soul and their ego. From shortly after the time of conception, from the early stage of growth of a foetus, the soul and ego are growing as well. Humans often talk about children being an old soul or seemingly having lived before. The reason that is so apparent in small children is that the soul is stronger than the ego prior to and immediately post birth.

Me: The physical growth of the baby in the womb I can understand and I also  understand the genetic input and influence via the parents but how can ego be developing from before birth when surely the outside influences post birth along with other environmental and developmental factors are the only key factor of how a person develops.

Grandma: It is much deeper and more involved than that. The ego is a combination of external influences as you say along with the individuals own personality. It is more apparent as one grows older but it is there before birth in any case. But the soul is the key hidden influence and that’s what I want you to remember as the most important message. All humans are born with a soul, a spirit that lives inside them and helps guide and shape that person. It is a leap of faith to accept this. Science and humanity is a long time away from being able to understand and comprehend.

Me: I find it impossible to believe that all people have souls. Even if the concept is true, what about mass murderers, surely they have no soul?

Grandma: No, all are born with souls or a hidden spirit from the other side. A person’s ego, the environment they live in, their personality and genetic mistakes can all lead to a situation where the soul is overwhelmed to the point where ego, personality and genetic misfortune take control or are allowed to take control.

Me: So it is a random lottery how we turn out?

Grandma: It can be to an extent but the soul can easily lead the way and overcome all other factors if the will is there. For some people, it is easy for the soul to be the dominant factor in the make up of how one lives a life on earth in preparation for the next life. For others, it isn’t easy and it takes enormous courage, faith and hard work to overcome the other dominant factors. For some, to use your examples of a murderer, it is too much to overcome.

Me: This is a lot to accept and take in!

Grandma: It is for all. That is what is meant by having faith. We will cover more of this as time goes by.

Me: Just to come back to faith then.  Why the long faces at church, why the glum faces about our jobs and lives?

Grandma: Have you ever wondered about people who are just happy in everything they do? Ever wondered about people who seemingly have little, have what you would see as boring jobs, mundane lives, yet they seem to glow?

Me: Yeah, I don’t get it.

Grandma: They are the ones that have found the balance between soul and ego. Please remember that ego is not bad. A healthy ego that is mature and focused on the right things is part of the make up of a human on earth. It allows the person to have the necessary drive and purpose to fulfil a role on earth, no matter what that role is. The unhappy faces, the feeling of emptiness that you talk about is because the balance between ego and soul is again out of step. Having the right balance of ego and soul is not easy. Ego is driven by what you can see and feel as a human. Therefore it is easy to follow. Soul can’t be seen so requires a leap of faith to believe it is something worth following or doing. As a human, it is easier to ignore what we can’t see or experience.      

Me: Well surely people who go to church have faith so why aren’t they happy?

Grandma: Religion of any sort is an attempt to connect with the spirit. There is nothing wrong with any religion that seeks to connect with the next life as long as it is well intentioned and does not use force or coercion. Where people get lost is in the belief that prayer or attendance at church without an intention to connect with the spirit will lead to a feeling of balance between ego and soul or if they are really attending at church to placate the ego. Prayer of any kind or attendance at any venue to connect with what some people call God is a genuine attempt to connect your soul and the next life with the source. However, it is not necessary to go to a building with others or undertake ceremony to balance the ego and the soul or connect with the soul and therefore achieve balance and prepare for the life after. If it helps and the right intention is there that balances soul and ego, this will work wonders for some people. For others they have the strength and ability to go within via meditation and find the balance with or without the guidance of those that have lived before and who are part of the afterlife.

Me: It is all too much. I can’t ever hope to understand this you know.

Grandma: I know that some things you will understand. The rest is faith and your soul and ego will accept these in the years ahead. Like those that do accept that there is something beyond human life without at all being able to see it, allow your soul to take the lead.  

Taking on my first 'client' in over three years

My falling out with my long term friend has already led to a number of profound changes in my life. One of these is that I agreed to meet with a lady who I met some time ago and see if the ‘other side’ has a message for her about a recurring dream that has been on her mind on and off for a number of years.

Linda* is the wife of a business colleague. In the past, she has often asked me if I would help her but I’ve always been reluctant for the reasons I’ve mentioned many times in previous blogs. I relented after I ran into her and her husband in the city at the weekend. As I’ve stated often, I’ve never done this for money or charged a fee so she isn’t really a client (just a figure of speech). I don’t do this as a business and I don’t take myself that seriously! If it helps her in some way, that’s a bonus. Like I warned her, I have no proof of any of this and no idea what happens to me when I meditate and why.

I think the reason I asked her if she was still having the dream and still wanting to see if there was a message from the ‘other side’ was because I was both annoyed that my honesty in ‘coming out’ had caused the loss of a friendship and therefore, I wanted to prove or disprove this ‘ability’ once and for all. Somewhat childish of me I know but I’m nothing if not stubborn. And very simplistic and naïve to think that this will give me a definitive answer. I know it won’t.

Like many people I know, Linda and her husband are typical business types leading a life of work, kids and normality. Both are professionals but they also are quite open minded about topics such as religion and spirituality. They are guarded not forthright in the topics they discuss but I always felt at ease talking with them about the possibility of the afterlife.

I met them at their home two nights ago and we spoke about my falling out with my long term friend. We talked about proof, my search for meaning and evidence about all that I ‘see’ and ‘hear’ and my ‘coming out’ blog. To my surprise, Linda suggested that I write about her dream and what message, if any, I receive from the other side. While initially reluctant, I agreed to do so, possibly because I’m more determined than ever to just either just go with all this, find some evidence either way to prove myself right or wrong (I don’t mind either way) and because I’m still annoyed at what happened with my friend.

After we agreed that I would report on the process on this blog, I spent ten minutes in a quiet room in their house undergoing a quick meditation spiral (sometimes 10-15 minutes is all I need to prepare after many years of practice, although other times I require more time).

Linda then told me her dream that has been recurring on and off for about five years:

‘In my dream, I was driving a car very fast along what seemed like an elevated freeway. There were storm clouds on the horizon behind me and they seemed to be creeping up on me very fast. I kept an eye on them through the rear-vision mirror every chance I got but it was hard as I he was busy getting out of the way of cars coming in the opposite direction. The longer I drove against the traffic –yes, I was heading in the wrong direction – the more dangerous it became. Sitting behind me in the back seat was my daughter Melanie, she was older, dressed in clothes that an older person - like a grandmother- would wear and she had on an old hat. She was telling me to go faster, she was navigating, telling me how to avoid the cars and to hurry so we could avoid the storm clouds catching upon us from behind. Sweat was building on my forehead and I was very worried about it going into my eyes, because I felt it would make it impossible to see. I wanted to ask her to stop as the more she gave me directions from the back, the more out of control I felt while driving. Horns were blowing from the cars I narrowly missed and people screamed out from the side of the freeway, ‘You’re going in the wrong direction.’ My speed hit 160km an hour and the car was now out of control. ‘Stop, stop, stop,’ I called out to Melanie, who kept hounding me from the back.  The sweat ran off my forehead and into my eyes, stinging and blinding him. I called out for help. That was my dream.’

From very early on in Linda’s dream, I saw a conversion of about three shadows of light near where she was seated. It was confusing to me and somewhat distracting as I hadn’t seen this type of thing before. I got the strong feeling there were a number of ‘voices’ joined together as though they were all talking at the one time. This made it hard to fully understand what ‘noises’ and ‘messages’ were coming through but I wrote down what I could decipher while Linda recalled her dream.

Here is what I wrote down based on the message I received:

They say she needs to find a new path. She’s travelling in the wrong direction and could run into barriers. They say to open your eyes or she will continue to run into barriers. Sometimes you have your eyes closed to the possibilities and new directions that are right in front of you. You don’t want to see what is right in front of you. They say you need to get control, show her the right way, help her overcome the congestion that is in her mind and heart, point her in the right direction. They say you been resisting making changes and taking a new direction for too long.

There is an older man now trying to speak over the others. He says she is on a journey but growing up too quickly, going too fast in the wrong direction. He says you want to be in control but you are heading in the wrong direction too and that is what the car horns and people on the side are trying to alert you to. He says the storm clouds are warning you of trouble brewing and creeping up on you. Wipe the sweat from your eyes as you are becoming blinded by something that you can see if you want to but you are shutting off your mind to something that normally you would be able to see clearly. Watch out for that sharp object! He says you know Melanie is in trouble and she is yelling and screaming at you for help but you won’t act. He says you have to use your best judgement and see what is actually happening with her drug taking. He’s showing me a needle.

Half an hour later over a cup of tea, Linda and her husband confided in me that they had suspected their 20 year old daughter Melanie had been taking drugs for some time and was getting deeper into the drug scene to the point where her university studies were becoming affected. She said they had never felt they could confront her about it not what to do.

Linda said that based on the messages she received, they had to intervene now. She said her instincts had told her as much on many occasions but she had no idea how serious the problem was (she held her hand to her chest when I spoke of seeing a needle).

I’m sure with some introspection, Linda could have dealt into her dreams in detail herself or just followed her instincts. Some people can, others need some help. Others, I’ve found, are completely closed off and have little instinct. Sometimes, we all need a little guidance and direction to help us act, put all the pieces together or make a decision. I wish them luck and I hope this has helped in some way. They are good people. I left their house feeling good but as always, totally bemused by this supposed ability I have. Very confusing and surreal.

Losing a long time friend over 'coming out'

Phil* and I were friends for over 25 years. Shared many great times, celebrated weddings and the birth of our children and conducted too many post mortems as to why our favourite football team was having such a wretched season or why one of us was suddenly single.

Our friendship had endured for two decades plus despite these days living in different cities and prolonged periods where, due to both our work commitments and the busyness of our daily family lives, we could go 6 to 12 months without talking to each other. It didn’t matter. Either one of us could email or pick up the phone at anytime as though we had spoken just the day before. We were brothers except in name. Bonded through an understanding of what the other person was like and what made them tick.

Last week our friendship ended. There was something I’d been keeping from Phil for some time. Years in fact. Could never bring myself to even mention it but felt the need and urge to finally get it off my chest. Essentially, I decided to come out to my closest friend.

The response from Phil was worse than I expected. Yet, even now, I’m half expecting the phone to ring at any time and hear his voice on the other end offering muted support and understanding. Isn’t that what long term friendship is about?

I can understand his shock. It isn’t everyday that your best friend aged soon to turn 50 picks up the phone and delivers this type of news. Don’t think it was easy for me. Besides telling Phil and my current partner (who is coming to terms with it slowly), no one else knows. I’m not sure anyone else close to me will be told now if this is the reaction I’ve received from those that know me best.

And as I work in head office for a conservative global company at a very senior level, how on earth can I remain true to myself yet still keep my day job. Do I keep it a secret or be true to myself and out myself as a closet medium.

Oh yeah. Just realised. Forgot to mention that earlier. That is why my friendship over 25 years has ended with Phil. I told him I’ve had visits from the other side for longer than I can remember.

Told him I didn’t understand it either and I’ve been for MRI scans, seen psychologists and medical experts trying to get to the bottom of what happens when I meditate but to no avail. According to medical science, I’m fine.

I explained to Phil that I’m as sceptical as the next person and want science to give me an answer as I’m no crackpot or dial up psychic doing this for money. I don’t charge a dime nor would I want to. Hook me up to any machine reputed to be capable of giving a medically trained expert an answer and I’m there.

I gave him examples of what I’ve ‘seen’ and ‘heard.’ Examples of what I’ve passed on to others who sort me out a few years back. Stunned silence.

We spoke about his leap of faith in going to church each Sunday to pray to someone he couldn’t see. We spoke about how it would have been easier for him to accept if I had come out and told him I was gay. I asked him why.

It is just far more acceptable. I asked him why. He hung up. I haven’t heard from him since. It’s a shame but I’ve decided that it is more important to stay true to myself.

I’m not doing this for money or sympathy or notoriety. I’m doing this for the millions in the world who just happen to have faith in something that doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of mainstream society. God knows I wish I had the proof, the answer or a scientific explanation. Not a week goes by that I don’t question my sanity. Even my pseudonym irks me. I’d love to write under my proper name but I know that it would cause too much hurt and embarrassment to my family and I doubt my career would continue with my current employer. It’s just too big a risk at present to give up my executive job with school fees and a mortgage to pay. Pity I can’t be honest, but that’s life.  

In the end, it is what it is and what I experience is what I report here and on my blog. I mentioned it to Phil. I hope he reads it. I doubt he will. I guess there will be more days like this.

Advanced Souls

I’ve travelled for many years in the various jobs I’ve had throughout my career. The thrill of jumping on a plane and going to another meeting, seminar or site visit wore off, coincidentally, when I started the dream groups about 10 years ago.

These days when I travel, I spend the time in the air either reading newspapers, trying to stop myself from offering to help people who look to like they are crying out for some guidance of some sort (whether mine or a real expert!) or putting the headphones on and mulling over ‘discussions’ I’ve had with Grandma and the visitors from the other side during my meditation sessions or dream groups. I often look at the blank faces of my fellow business travellers who wish they were somewhere else or doing something enjoyable and think of some very early ‘discussions’ I had with grandma.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, some of these ‘discussions’ have covered topics as wide ranging from the purpose of the everyday in our lives through to something that I cannot accept at present despite the almost daily hammerings I am getting at present from grandma in particular – the presence in our midst of advanced souls.

It has actually got to the stage where my headaches are returning from the constant messaging I’m getting from ‘her.’ It has happened before and usually coincides with me rejecting a recurring message or theme from her and the other visitors.

Before I go on about her message and our many ‘discussions’ about advanced souls being here on earth, I will admit that I haven’t quite reconciled in my mind or through my questioning of Grandma over many long nights, the argument or presumption that  all of us have and will experience many past lives.

I’ve read the books of Dr Brian Weiss with fascination and interest and will continue to research more on this past life subject to try and get to a rational position in my mind at some time in the future. For now, I can again only report on my experiences where I have been told in the strongest possible manner (if I don’t listen to something that is perceived to be an important message from Grandma and the others, I’ll know about it soon enough via the appearance of a headache) that we all live many lives until we’ve progressed enough to stay in the spirit world and help guide others on earth from there. It is apparently a much more involved process than that but I’ll discuss it with you at a later date.

According to Grandma and another visitor who I only know and ‘see’ as the very old soul (he is often present with Grandma when she is having trouble getting through to me or convincing me of something) these advanced souls are either individuals well known to most of us on earth or those that are well known to a smaller select group of people who need to understand or be guided or influenced by this person.

In preparation for writing this blog today, I ‘spoke’ to Grandma earlier in the week, to ensure I captured all that I was supposed to capture and pass on:

Me:  So the key point or common denominator among all of these advanced souls that I’ve been ‘shown’ by you is that they are living extraordinary lives on earth for a reason and they all have similar characteristics?

Grandma: Yes, they are similar but also different in their own individual ways. They appear on earth to be purposeful people or they may suddenly rise to a challenge and humans will be inspired by these people.

Me: What have they done to become like this?

Grandma: They’ve lived many lives on earth before and some may live some more before they are ready to stay in the spirit world with others like myself. It is part of their journey if you like to get to a point where they are part of the greater being that we will all become and be.

Me: I don’t understand this greater being bit.

Grandma: That’s not for now darling. You will in time and I’ll help you share the message to help others as well. For the moment, it is easier for you and others to understand about the advanced souls doing their work on earth to inspire and help others grow to where they need to be in this life.

Me: What makes these advanced souls as you call them so special? How do people recognise them?

Grandma: They will do something inspiring on the world stage or just locally. Humans will know and talk about them as being special without even knowing how special they really are or what they are doing subliminally through their words or actions. Humans will be uplifted, come together and raise their own expectations of themselves and humanity by hearing about or seeing what these advanced souls do?

Me: How would I know these advanced souls exist? Who are they?

Grandma: They are what you would call famous people and local heroes. Some are on the international stage, some aren’t. Some have an inkling that they are a little bit different without knowing that they are advanced souls and others stumble upon their roles as advanced souls and messengers by accident. To see an advanced souls you can look for the following traits and characteristics, as they all have them in various degrees. They have purpose, have experienced the worst parts of life or struggled in this life or a previous life, they have humility, compassion, presence, warmth and a message or job that results in humanity either advancing or understanding something that results in a collective shift forward in the traits and characteristics I have mentioned.

Me: I think I understand. Through something they do, we learn or accept that we should follow or be the same?

Grandma: Not always in a conscious manner. Their actions or behaviour can sink in when we least expect it or need to hear it.

Me: Can you give me some examples of advanced souls that I know of or can relate to?

Grandma:  Let’s start with an easy one – Oprah.

Me: I can see she entertains and has many fans who feel good from her being in their lives.

Grandma: You are almost right. It is not about being a fan and entertained. It is what she is doing for those that are fans. Look deeper.

Me: OK. Others?

Grandma: Here’s a few to show you how diverse these advanced souls are and that they come from many cross sections of life - Chesley Sullenberger, Professor Graeme Clark, Gerry Adams, Moira Kelly.

Me: Professor Clark (inventor of the bionic ear) and Moira Kelly (Founder of the Children First Foundation) I get. Both inspiring Australians. Chesley Sullenberger was just doing his job but OK, I’ll admit he was inspiring. But Gerry Adams?

Grandma: Look behind the curtain with all of these people, not just at the public profile that is portrayed by those who talk about them. Look, research and learn.

Me: OK. Is that it?

Grandma: Of course not. There are many more in different cultures and at different stages of their development as souls who have been on earth before and have advanced. Many, many more. Not all are on the international stage. Some inspire in local communities to help others advance through their actions.

Me: How do I and others recognise them?

Grandma: Sometimes you’ll just know or feel it or be inspired. Sometimes you can see it in their eyes or hear it in their voice because it leaves an impression on you that helps your cause and development as a human.

As I said, I have a lot more to understand about this before I can fully accept what I was ‘told.’ No doubt, as I explore this concept of advanced souls in the coming months and years, I’ll have more to report. Until them, I’m as confused as the next person.

Some of what Grandma ‘says’ about these advanced soul examples makes sense given what they have done or how they have inspired but I guess the past life concept and the potential for there being a process whereby we keep coming back to live better lives and help others – while a nice thought and theory – is harder for me to accept at the moment. Particularly Gerry Adams. I need to research that and see what she means.

My ‘supposed’ purpose

Like most, I always reel in shock when I read in the media about an apparently normal person or pillar of the community reveals they have been leading a double life in some good or bad way.

While my double life was nothing sordid, it is not what would society would consider 'normal.  Therefore, I’ve often felt a sense of nervousness when I think about having to reveal my ‘special abilities’ to friends, family or the wider world.

The first two groups I haven’t yet been able to work up the courage to speak to about all this. This blog is an attempt to begin the process to the third group in the hope it makes it easier to tell friends and family at some stage.

Why so hard you say? There are thousands upon thousands of people claiming psychic expertise of one sort or another. Why are you any different?

I think it comes down to my conservative personality and my inability to be fully convinced about this 'gift.'  I’m not one for putting myself on a pedestal, being the centre of attention or boasting about my abilities whether in business or day to day life.

But speaking out is something that I have felt compelled to undertake because of the continual ‘urgings’ over the past decade from grandma and several visitors from the other side.

In fact, it was the subject of one of the very first ‘discussions’ I had with grandma when she appeared soon after I started the dream groups and serious meditation. She hasn’t let up since and it even got to the point where I'm sure some of the others have been co-opted into her plan to have me go public! I finally relented by starting this blog.

I first began this conversation with grandma in 2001.

Me: I’m struggling to come to terms with the belief I’m actually talking to you and not dreaming, or going insane. Why would you want me to go public.

Grandma: There is a purpose in all of this.

Me: I can’t see it. Do I have to work it out?

Grandma:  Some you will work out as you experience what you need to experience. I’m here to help you with the steps you need to take in the broader plan.

Me: You’ve lost me.

Grandma: I’ll help. Darling, on earth you go through a process of growing up, being educated and gaining enough experience to hopefully lead a life of purpose that allows you and society to feel like you are making a contribution.

Me: I’m not sure I am.

Grandma: That’s why I’m here.

Me: Am I? Leading a purposeful life?

Grandma: What do you think?

                                                  

Me: I work hard, think I’m a good father and generally do the right thing. If I’m being honest, I’m not really convinced I’m doing anything that makes a huge difference and I’m not sure what my purpose is beyond that. I’m not unhappy but....

Grandma: Is there something else?

Me: That’s it. I mean I do ask if there is something else. But my main question now seems to be why this is happening. I mean you being around and the headaches stopping. It’s not easy to comprehend. Doesn’t fit with my logical side.

Grandma: Darling, you are doing fine. But there is a greater purpose for you. Going right back to why you chose the subjects you did at school, what subjects you excelled in at school, why that then led you to journalism, then communications and what you have planned for you next.

Me: By whom?

Grandma: By a greater source. That will be explained later. Just accept for now. We need to take small steps in getting you to where you are headed next. All before has been a preparation, your education, your career, your purpose up until now. You are awake now to where you need to head, your new purpose and the reason why you are on this earth at this time and in this life.

Me: This is all too confusing.

Grandma: It will get progressively easier if you have patience and accept. I’ll always be here for you to help.

Me: I’m tired. I don’t really understand.

Grandma: Darling, we will talk many times for many years. We have only begun.

Me: OK. I want to know about the career purpose. Do I have another career path?

Grandma: No. You are preparing for and getting experience in communicating something that will not be accepted by most and understood by even less.

Me: Sounds no different to some of the issues and problem jobs I’ve had to manage for companies that the public hate!

Grandma: This is far tougher. You will be communicating for the other side. From myself and others. Messages about things that the human mind won’t or doesn’t want to comprehend or accept. That is your purpose. To help people accept. In this life, there isn’t enough time for you to be able to convince people to comprehend or understand. The human mind isn’t and won’t be able to do that for some time yet. But you will convince many, many people to accept and question. It isn’t your purpose alone. You’ll have help from other communicators. You’ll see and understand who they are and how they do it at a later time.

Me: What if I don’t want to do this. Can’t do it?

Grandma: I’ll help you find a way that you can accept and understand that this is what you are here to do.

I fought Grandma and her ‘helpers’ for over a decade. She has never forced me and been anything other than supportive and encouraging. In your own time she has repeated to me often. The time just never felt right. Now it does and there is a lot to reveal.

I’m interstate for the rest of this week on my day to day job – corporate life. When I’m back, I’ll share some revelations about the purpose of our day to day work lives, church and religion. I’ve had many discussions with Grandma and the others about day to day life on earth. I hope you find it interesting.                      

Truth and Proof

In the coming days and weeks, I intend to share some more of my experiences and 'chats' with the other side. As I go through my notes and jottings from the past decade, at times the detail still strikes me as a little unbelievable (and I'm the one experiencing them!). So before I share these with you, I’d like to tell you about my inner battles in coming to terms with what I’ve experienced in the past decade or so.

Unlike a lot of other mediums or psychics who often write or talk about understanding and accepting their special abilities from a young age, for a long time I was entirely the opposite. And while I’ve come to accept, I still fail to understand.

As you know, I was trained as a journalist, then added an Arts Degree from university and have been working in the corporate world for nearly 25 year. Asking questions, challenging and testing a premise and implementing rational decision making processes are part of what I do and what I am.

So confronted with my visions and ‘conversations’ with the other side, and needing to know why or at least find a rational reason for why I experience what I do (at one stage, I even hoped that I would be diagnosed as having a mental illness), I visited doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors in the hope that I would be diagnosed with some sort of disease that would at least be able to answer the question of what and why this was happening to me. This would have been a relief to me.

I’ve undergone MRI brain scans, attended countless workshops, academic and medical seminars and read an enormous amount of literature to try and get to the bottom of it all and find that ‘ah ha’ moment when it all made sense according to science. I’m still searching and still trying to understand and it will take some time yet (for me and others to understand (one of the ‘visitors’ from the other side did explain to me why it will take some time yet but I’ll get to that in a later blog).

So when confronted with not being able to understand how or why, I guess you either accept or choose not to accept. For me, it was and still is a question of (a) do I forget about all this and go back to my ‘normal’ life and risk the headaches? (b) accept what I experience when I meditate and be happy that I don’t get headaches accepting that the down side is I have paranormal experiences?

Ten years ago I chose (b) and accepted the premise that just because I can’t understand doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It wasn’t an easy decision at all and I still doubt myself often. And the sceptics make some good points that resonate with me and the way I think in my day to day life.

In the end, what helped convince me to just go with it and accept it was the concept of faith. I think I’m the least religious person on earth but what I admire in people who support a religion is their faith in the face of the unknown. I’m not saying they are right because I’ve been ‘told’ by my ‘visitors’ that while there is a superior power or source, our minds aren’t able to comprehend (yet!) what that entails so we individually or collectively choose a name, religion or way of life to make meaning of what we can or want to understand. This is faith.

As we all know, humans seem to fall into one of three categories in regards to faith. You either have it or you don’t or you have an each way bet.

After years of counsel from medical experts and mulling it over myself without finding the answers I sort, it was a leap of faith that eventually made me accept what I experience when I meditate.

I came to the conclusion that many people don’t see God or whomever else they believe in but accept him/her/it/their religion anyway as a leap of faith. Was I any different? Just because I couldn’t see it, did it mean it wasn’t there?  

So having been unsuccessful in seeking answers about my ‘condition’ from scientific experts and their trusted tools of medicine, I decided to make a choice and I took a leap of faith. If nothing else, the headaches stopped immediately and haven’t returned. Go figure. I wish science could.  

Thanks for your feedback

Firstly, I would like to thank those of you from various parts of the world who have contacted me about my writing, blog and commentary on other sites. It is great that you find my experiences a worthwhile contribution to the ongoing debate about psi and I appreciate your encouragement to continue.

In answer to a couple of questions that have consistently been raised:

1)      No. I’ve never done this for money. I’ve worked for 25 years in corporate life and that has been my day job.

2)      Absolutely I get it wrong. However, the more I meditate, the more ‘accurate’ I seem to get according to the feedback from people whose dreams I’ve worked with over the past decade. My level of accuracy also usually relates to how open the person is who is seeking some clarity from the other side.

3)      Do I take clients? Well, not really to be honest. Although I ‘communicate’ with my grandma and other spirits regularly my last session with someone else other than myself who wanted to connect with the other side was three years ago. It ever been a plan of mine to make a career out of this!

The reason I stopped was I found some of what I ‘saw’ and ‘felt’ a little too confronting. What sealed it for me to decided to take a break was heading out to dinner one night with my partner and ‘feeling’ that a man I saw at a table with a group of people in the far corner of the restaurant didn’t have long to live, despite him appearing quite jovial and happy. Although I didn’t know him or his wife who was with him among many others at the restaurant, every time I glanced in his direction, I felt this terrible heaviness in my heart and a few other signs that suggested he wasn’t going to be around for long on this earth. It really put a dampener on my own night out with my partner.

Two months later, I saw his wife walking alone down the same street as the restaurant and I followed her into the supermarket as I saw from the look in her eyes that she was forlorn. Some people in the supermarket sympathised with her and asked her how she was coping since the funeral.

At that point in my life, I decided I needed a break from doing this for others it all so I flicked the switch and tuned out for a couple of years and just left it at 'communicating' with grandma and the spirits I choose to 'hear.' That is enough for me for now.

Again, thank you for the feedback (and that from the sceptics too – I’m not 100% convinced about all this either – I’m just reporting what I experience, whatever it is and why it happens). Happy to hear about all the possible theories.

Thanks   

A new voice guides me as a medium

When I read through my notes from the past ten or so years and begin to write this blog, I still shake my head at what has happened and how. I continue to question how and why this paranormal stuff can possibly happen, more so to a person who questions anything and everything on a daily basis.

It is not the easiest thing to accept all this either. Yet, while it is much safer being normal, having the good job and happy family existence, the chance that I enlighten myself (if that is the result of my coming out about all this), is too compelling. Besides, if nothing else, it is really nice not to experience the headaches!  

One of my earliest experiences of being introduced to a guide from the other side was six months after the dream group sessions had commenced. At the request of Darlene, the woman who was the recipient of my first channelling experience all those years, I reluctantly agreed (after two months of her pleading) to listen to the dream of a friend of hers that was going through a really rough patch in her life. At that time of my life, I really had little interest in becoming a medium or delving into this side of my life. It was all too raw.     

We met at Darlene’s house on a Saturday when I was supposedly heading to the football. Partly out of nervousness that I was suddenly being thrust into the role of dream adviser or medium to people I didn’t know (reluctantly I might add), I meditated for about an hour before I arrived at Darlene’s place and also for ten minutes before Kelly* arrived.

Kelly was a thin woman in her mid fifties and nothing stood out about her except her tired eyes (for me, the eyes really are a window to the soul). She told me the dream she wanted to share with me was recurring over many months. Other than that, she told me very little of herself.

Almost as soon as I introduced myself and shook her hand, I ‘sensed’ the presence of an older man associated with Kelly. He ‘stood’ over in a corner, like he wasn’t sure about getting too close to her. I ‘felt’ it was a balding man in his sixties – maybe her Dad?

With the formalities over, Kelly began her recurring dream:

‘In my dream, I’m at work in an office job, but it is a different location to where I normally work. It is dark both inside and outside. I’ve been out to lunch somewhere and when I come back to the office there are several phone messages written on paper that have been placed under my phone. People are running around the office in different directions and my boss is shaking his head at me and laughing at me while whispering in the ear of his secretary. There is pandemonium everywhere. I realise I’m working for a shipping company and there has been an incident with one or more of our vessels, we can’t find out if the crew are OK. I keep thinking big empty vessels. I try to call people to find out what has happened, try to return messages but there are people coming in and out of my office. Christ, I’m the bloody PR officer. Then the wives of the men who work on the ships burst into my office, trying to protest at what has happened and sniggering at me. Are their husbands OK? They are causing a disturbance while I’m trying to phone people back. I feel tense, stressed, agitated and out of control and my boss keeps on peering at me but won't help. Why is he still whispering to his secretary?Get these people out, I scream. Another group of woman come in, their husbands have lost their jobs on the ships and they have come in to make my life a misery, throwing my things around the office, putting things in the bin, turning my computer off and pulling the phone out of the wall. ‘How do you like that?’ they ask. I can’t properly read the writing on the messages, to know who to call to be able to find out how serious the incidents are. This is my dream.’

Almost from the time she spoke, the ‘presence’ of the bald man moved closer to here and kept ‘speaking’ to me in a soft and almost apologetic voice. At the same time I kept writing a combination of my own thoughts and words he was ‘passing on’ to me.

This is what I wrote and fed back to Kelly:

 The dream reminds me of a feeling of being imposed upon – you didn’t stand up for yourself, you were relying on others making decisions for you.

 The dream reminds me of the book, I think it is called Heart of Darkness – the unfriendly setting, the feminine forces at work, the feeling of being out of control, feeling lost, needing help.

The dream reminds me of the saying - When the chips are down, you’re on your own. It seems no one was prepared to help you.

 The dream reminds me that some men feel that women are out of place in the work environment – perhaps you felt in the dream that the women were trespassing on your space.

 The dream reminds me of the Tarot Card – The Tower – things falling apart, change is needed. If I don’t change nature will make it happen. The feminine energy of the women in the office is creating a personal earthquake. I need to change my attitude to be able to see the messages.

 The dream reminds me of the term women trouble – some men feel they can be bothersome, destructive and have nothing to contribute.

 The dream reminds me that sometimes we get clogged up, what I would call spiritual constipation. Until we find the right glasses to be able to open the spiritual channels, we will feel we are up against it.

 The dream reminds me that women sometimes have an important message to deliver to males. Although I think the women are getting pleasure out of seeing me suffer in the dream is unfair, there is actually a message for me the male – the feminine part of my psyche needs attention and some direction.

 The dream reminds me of the saying - feeling all at sea. The ships are struggling, you are working for a shipping company, you are struggling – you are ALL at sea.

 The dream reminds me of opening Pandora’s Box – in the dream. I feel like I’ve opened up a Pandora’s Box of problems. However, if I stop, work out why the women are there, attend to their immediate needs and calm the situation for everyone and myself in my office, things may change for the better. In life itself, we sometimes think that we are opening up a Pandora’s box every day we wake up, but once we change our attitude, open up our psyche to new possibilities and attitudes, our life opens up for the better.

 The dream reminds me of the fact that you didn’t confront the problem at hand – you were too distracted by the women.

He’s telling me he is sorry for leaving a mess and for his infidelity.

This became my pattern of channelling through the dreams that others experienced. My feedback from ‘the other side’ would include metaphors and examples, sayings or experiences that the dreamer could related to as delivered by me on behalf of someone who had passed. And it would almost always end with a direct message from the departed.

After the session, Kelly told me that her husband had died of a heart attack nine months earlier and she subsequently discovered his financial affairs were a mess. She had also suspected but could never confirm that he had been having an affair with a woman at his work.

I didn’t like seeing her in tears, however she assured me that she was relieved and was thankful. I’m not sure I felt the same way at the time.   

Hearing from the other side

For me to connect with the sprit or the presence I know as my grandma or the many other unexplained ‘individuals’ from the other side that have felt the need to ‘visit me’ over the past decade or so, the process is definitely helped along by meditation. 

As I briefly mentioned in an earlier blog, it is a process I call spiralling – for two reasons. One, because I feel like I’m spiralling into the earth when I begin to meditate. Secondly, I feel the presence of a warm, golden light filtering slowly through my body, almost like I have a funnel at the top of my head that opens to allow this light to come in from wherever it emanates.

I know there are far more learned individuals and experts than I who can wax lyrical about the benefits of meditation. I can only agree. If nothing else, meditation makes me feel like the most relaxed, focussed and calm human being on the planet.

The night of my grandma’s first appearance at the dream analysis workshop, I had a more profound experience if that was at all possible and one that really shook me up.

Ten years down the track, I still look back in awe of that first night. In the hundreds of ‘visits’ from grandma and the others since that night, I’ve had many ‘discussions’ and messages from the spirits that I’m more than happy to share with you in coming months as I write of my experiences. I haven’t read the book series Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch but I resonate with what he has experienced, except we are both having conversations with a different presence.

But back to that night following the first dream group.

I remember feeling extremely tired but I can’t remember a time before of since when my mind has been so clear, so charged and so receptive.

While my body wasn’t willing anything other than sleep, I felt compelled to ‘spiral’ that night.

I don’t remember much of the meditation process that night in bed but I do remember the ‘chat’ with grandma.

Me: I need to understand why? And why now as well.

Grandma: You are finally awake darling.

Me: Awake?

Grandma: I’ve been trying to reach you for some time.

Me: How?

Grandma: How are your headaches?

Me: I’m not sure. Tonight my mind felt as clear and untroubled as I can ever recall. Is that what you are saying, my headaches were you?

Grandma: A combination of me trying to contact you and you being blocked to receiving me. I’m glad I finally got through.

Me: I’m still unsure about how that happened.

Grandma: We found a conduit. The dream group.

Me:  So if I hadn’t met that guy at dinner and had the suggestion planted about the dream group, this wouldn’t have happened and I’d still be walking around experiencing headaches? Talk about fate.

Grandma: Fate is a word many people use. Perhaps you should think about things happen for a reason.

Me: Why me, why now? This happening to me is what I mean?

Grandma: You are ready. It will help you, it will help others. Meditate, open your mind and I will be there. There is a purpose to this, for you and for others. Rest now. You have lots to see and experience, slowly until you understand and grow.

I remember as clear as if it happened yesterday that I awoke in a lather of sweat at 3.10am and wrote this down in my dream notebook. It was the middle of winter yet my hair and t-shirt were drenched like I was trying to get to sleep on a balmy summer’s evening near the equator.

Since that night, my life has not been the same. I’ve gone about my normal western experience – corporate career, family, all the usual stuff while keeping this all to myself, except for the people who were in my dream group, my current partner and ‘grandma’ and the other ‘visitors.’

Some of the things I’ve ‘seen’ and ‘heard’ I still have doubts about and at the opposite end of the scale, some things that are passed on to me from the other side (or wherever it comes from), makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I’ve been ‘told’ and ‘discussed’ with grandma and the others, subjects such as: Is there a God? the purpose of life and been ‘shown’ advanced souls – people who many of us know well who are living extraordinary lives on earth for a reason and have similar characteristics. On the down side, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of looking at someone and getting a terrible feeling that they haven’t long to live.  I will discuss these down the track.

Next time, I’ll share some of the other dream group experiences I had when I again dared venture beyond my comfort zone and ‘heard’ the messages from the other side.

Please be assured, while I have little control over any of this that I experience, I deeply respect whatever it is that I go through. While it is a cathartic experience for me personally to be able to writer about and share these experiences, I do so often with feelings of trepidation as I really fail to understand all this and why it happens to me.

My first outing as a Medium

As a novice in this type of work, I wouldn’t normally be the first to volunteer when our host asked for group members to open the free association feedback for Darlene’s dream. However, I felt compelled to on this occasion, given the ‘urging’ I was feeling courtesy of my grandma’s spirit that I felt was overwhelming my senses from across the room.

I looked down at the notes ‘she’ had helped me write, looked back at the spirit ‘figure’ that shimmered behind Darlene and followed my grandma’s ‘lead.’     

 The dream reminds me of the sense of powerlessness we sometimes have in our lives. Others who are carrying weapons can make us feel like spectators, unable to do anything and making us feel like we are on our own.

The dream reminds me of the saying often used by the elders in my native Brazil – evil always has a message. In this case, the jester is doing something evil by chopping the top off people’s heads but there could be good to come out of this, it now exposes the mind, opening it up to new thoughts, ideas and directions. In the past, these may have been closed off.

The dream reminds me that sometimes we can be running faster than the crowd but still can’t catch up to where we need to be. This makes us feel helpless. But we must have the end goal in sight – the goal being that we are often here for a better cause even though we are being taunted at present because we still feel way behind.              

I looked up and Darlene was writing furiously. A lot of the time she nodded and I took comfort that the insights she was being provided with seemed to be striking a cord with her

Our host suggested someone else may like to offer some feedback but Darlene interrupted him and looked at me.

‘Please go on,’ she asked me. I continued.

 The dream reminds me of a term that I have heard often in my life. We can turn darkness around if our motives are right. Feel pity for the jester, stop chasing him, let him go and don’t follow him. Go in a new direction and leave the jester behind.

Tears rolled down Arlene’s checks but she continued writing. Like her, I couldn’t stop and my grandma’s ‘advice, words, guidance’ came pouring out of my mouth.

 The dream reminds me of many horror movies I have seen where the victims feel impotent to do anything about the evil character. They are not strong enough to do anything about the situation.

 The dream reminds me that sometimes we have a feeling of being held back in our lives because we live by the motto that it is ‘better the devil you know’. Perhaps a better motto would be ‘stop and get to know the devil you don’t know’ – yourself.

 The dream reminds me that we have to stop running around in different directions and find another way. Go with your own feelings and stuff everyone who thinks you should follow their rules.

 The dream reminds me of encouragement. By this, I mean the jester hasn’t done as much damage as he could have done with a machete. He has only taken the top off people’s heads and this can heal. This gives us hope.

 The dream reminds me that we need to get to know who the jester is. When we do get to know him, to understand him and get in touch with what he represents, we will take away his power.

 The dream reminds me that often we wake up from dreams when the best or worst part is about to happen. Next time you have this dream (I remember staring straight at Darlene) follow him and see where he leads you. Live life a little dangerously.

My final piece of feedback that night ‘via my grandma’ for Darlene was something that made her gasp and put her hand to her heart. Rather than a metaphor, a figure of speech, an anecdote or an example, this feedback was direct.

“There is a letter ‘M’ written on the blade of the machete. You need to disarm him before he hurts you.’

 There was a lot of discussion for the remainder of the night but I don’t remember much more than Darlene’s words to me as we were about to leave.

“My husband’s name is Mark. He has a cutting tongue, puts me down all the time and I’ve had enough of his belittling me. I’ve been thinking about leaving him. Thankyou.” All I could do was smile nervously and make a hasty exit to my car.

As I drove home that night I felt enormous guilt, concern, wonderment, humility and fear that I may have been responsible for a tearing a marriage apart.

What worried more than that was that I had no understanding of what had taken place that evening. It didn’t take long to find out. I had another visit from my grandma later that night. And it all began to be revealed – and still continues to do so over a decade later.        

There's someone behind you!

A woman I'll call Darlene cleared her throat and nervously opened a folder that was sitting on her lap. She then began to share her dream with the group.

‘This is my dream. I am standing on a street corner somewhere in the city. It is night, dark except for a few street lamps but they are not very powerful. It is windy and cool. I am standing watching a parade. There are marching bands and performers moving down the street. There are families, lots of them, standing on the side of the street smiling and enjoying the parade. I feel uneasy and suspect something is wrong. Then I see him across the road! He’s laughing at me, showing me the curved machete in his hand. He raises his eyes to taunt me. He starts running quickly through the crowd and down the street, indiscriminately cutting the top off the heads of people - scalping them – but they can’t see him. Why can’t they see him? ‘Look out,’ I scream. But they don’t hear me. I chase after him yelling out to the crowd to get out of the way but they don’t respond. People keep falling down as this smiling jester type figure continues to scalp his victims at random. I am racing after him but I can’t get close enough to catch him. He is always just out of reach. My fear for what he is doing keeps me going. His victims fall slowly to the ground and feel their heads. He hasn’t killed anyone but has inflicted pain and disfigurement on them. When will he stop? Still the parade goes on. He gets to the end of the main street, turns and smiles at me, then moves off into a backstreet. Should I follow? I cautiously look around the corner of a dark side street and I see him there, smiling and waving for me to follow him. I think it’s too dangerous. I’m scared. Why is he doing this to me? This was my dream.’ 

For what seemed like an eternity, no-one said a word. I was speechless for another reason. For the entire time Darlene read her dream, I couldn't takes my eyes off the shimmering figure that seemed to be standing behind Darlene with what 'looked' like a hand on her shoulder. Later I was thankful that Darlene had printed copies of her dream to hand out that night. I'd written down words while she read her dream, but what I wrote was what I was 'hearing' from the figure that had somehow 'spoken' to me while Darlene spoke.

Two things where clear at that time of the night. First, I had a page full of notes, metaphors, saying and examples relating to the meaning behind Darlene's dream. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, these messages that I had written down had not come from me (or so I believed). I can't remember thinking about anything that was now written in front of me in my own writing.

The message I had to share with Darlene was from another 'source.' The presence that was 'standing' behind Darlene at the time she shared her dream. A presence that I understood to be that of my grandma.

And like any human being that has ever felt a combination of exhilaration and fear at the same time - like the feeling I can only imagine that is experienced by elite sportspeople as they attempt a new feat or record, I was about to enter uncharted waters. I was about to share a message with Darlene, a message that came from a person that had long ago departed this life.